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Author's Chapter Notes:

As I mentioned before, the song I imagine Sean & Abbi singing is Someone you loved by the amazing Lewis Capaldi! 

'Carmen, do I look ok?' I asked her for the millionth time. 


 


'Bloody stunning, now remember half of looking good is confidence, so tell yourself you look good'


 


'I look good!'


 


'I can't hear you!'


 


'I LOOK GOOD' I shouted laughing.


 


'You two make too much noise' laughed Sean as we pulled up beside the red carpet. 'Put your phone away Carmen come on' he nagged as the door was opened for us to step out. 


 


As we got out of the car I put on my fake press persona and stepped on to the red carpet. My dress was quite tame compared to some of the others, it was a back scuba material dress with long sleeves, collar and a large silver zip down the middle which the stylist had paired with bright red shoes. My hair was down and make up was relatively natural with a dark red lip. The same lipstick that I shared with Nick in a kiss in our early days, it always made me smile when I wore it.


 


Carmen bypassed the red carpet and went inside leaving the two of us to it. 90% of the questions for me involved Nick and I became like a robot, most answers 


'Nick is an amazing man and I wish him all the happiness in the future' and then move on. 


 


'So is it true that you're back together with Abbi, Sean?' Asked a reporter.


 


'Not true at all, she's far too good for me. She's just a good friend who I can always count on' 


 


'So no romance in the air between you two?'


 


'None whatsoever!' I laughed, elbowing him in the ribs. 


 


'Are you looking forward to seeing Nick tonight Abbi?'


 


'Of course I am, he means a lot to me' oops I'd opened up a little too much, time to move on. 


 


We stopped for more pictures but I didn't answer any more questions. 


 


'Right let's go and see who Carmens found' knowing my friend only too well, she'd probably be having a drink with the head of MTV and telling them how to run the channel better. Alas no, she was stood talking to Sophie and Dani, who promptly waved me over.


 


I hadn't seen them in ages and wasn't sure what their opinion of me was anymore. 


 


'Stranger!!!!' Shouted Sophie, giving me a hug. 


 


'It's so good to see you' said Dani doing the same. 


 


'It's so good to see you too' I said genuinely feeling it.


 


'I'm going to leave you ladies to it' said Shane, clearly overwhelmed, walking towards our seats.


 


'I can't believe you're going to be on stage tonight Abbi, you must be so excited!' Said Dani.


 


'So you heard? I'm actually shitting my pants right now. I want to have a drink for Dutch courage but I'm scared if I do then I'll fall off the stage!' I giggled.


 


'Well that's one way to get famous I guess' laughed Sophie.


 


'And it's a risk I'm willing to take for you' said Carmen thrusting a glass of whatever fizzy wine it was into my hand.  


 


'Okay, one drink Carmen, that's it!' 


 


There was an announcement made for everyone to go and take their seats so we started walking to where we'd been shown on the seat plan and there he was, Nick, and worst of all he was talking to Sean. 


 


'Is It too late to leave?' I whispered to Carmen.


 


'Man up' she said and I started an internal monologue telling myself that Nick and I needed to talk at some point, but when Nick saw me coming he walked away. 


 


'Well that went well' I said to Sean. I'd promised him that I'd try and speak to Nick tonight but clearly that wasn't going to happen. 


 


'He wanted to wish us luck for our performance' he clearly still cares so that's a good sign for your promise' Sean smiled.


 


The show began and it was amazing, there were a good few acts that I'd worked with or seen in their earlier days performing but all too soon I got the tap on my shoulder to tell me it was time to go backstage to warm up and get miked up. I started to wonder if I should have worn my Nikes instead of these huge heels the stylist insisted on, I was convinced I was going to fall. 


 


Thumbs up and Sean and I made our way to the darkened side stage to take our places. It was a simple set. Him on his piano and me on a stool next to him. I started my breathing exercises to keep me calm because I felt like I had a pulse in my brain with all the anxiety, which wasn't helped when I realised my stool was directly angled towards Nick's seat. He was trying not to look at me but he couldn't really get away with it. The cameras at awards always focus on people's ex's just in case they have a funny reaction and he knew that. 


 


'It's a pleasure to introduce an MTV exclusive Shane O'Leary and Abbi Jonas performing their number one hit 'Someone' together'


 


I wanted to shout 'That's not my name anymore!' But I couldn't, I had to focus on my fake smile and trying not to vomit on the piano keys. Sean was perfect and then it was down to me. 


 


'I'm going under and this time I feel there's no one to turn to,


This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you.


Now I need somebody to hear, somebody to know.


Somebody to have, somebody to hold. 


It's easy to say but it's never the same, I guess I kind of liked the way you helped me escape' 


 


Every last word I sang to Nick. He knew and I could see he felt it. At the end of the song he stood up and clapped for us. I don't know what anyone else's reactions were- apart from Carmen, I could hear her whooping away, but Nick was smiling and he was looking at me. Maybe I could make it work. 


 


A while later it was time for the Jonas Brothers to appear on stage. They were doing a medley and part of it involved them walking along an aisle in audience, which just so happened to be right next to my seat. Sophie and Dani joined us to watch the performance too. Joe stopped and kissed Sophie, Kevin kissed Dani and Nick smiled at me again. A smile was a start. I'd take that.  As always they blew me away.


 


As Dani and Sophie walked back to their own seats I said to Carmen 'I'm going to try and talk to him tonight' she looked stunned. 


 


'I think that's an excellent idea' she smiled


 


'I agree' said Shane 


 


'Look at us three agreeing on something for once' I laughed. 


 


'And the award for best newcomer goes to ...Shane O'Leary'


 


Carmen and I gave him a big hug and watched him take to the stage. 


 


'I don't have a speech because I didn't think I'd win so I'm just going to wing it. First of all I want to thank my family, then there's my management and record company, but most of all, I want to thank my good friend Abbi for giving me the kick up the ass when I need it and always being there for me. Nick, she loves you man. Thank you so much' 


 


And there was a round of applause 


 


I looked at Carmen and she looked at me. 


'What the hell did he just say?' I asked her 'are my ears broken, tell me he didn't just say that im front of the world'


 


'I'd like to but....'


 


I took my phone out my bag,


 


Sender: me


Can we talk later?x


 


It took a while but the reply came


 


Sender: Nick


I think that would be a good idea x


 


As much as I'd enjoyed the EMA's, I was glad when the ceremony finished and we were on our way to the after party. My plan was to speak to Nick tonight and try and smooth things over so it wasn't awkward and then try to arrange to talk to him properly the next day. I was ready to tell him the truth. Sean had headed straight back to the hotel, to have an early night ahead of rehab and stay away from temptation, so I didn't need to worry about him but Carmen was ready to party. 


 


As we arrived I geared myself up to talk to Nick but there wasn't a Jonas in sight at the party. I felt deflated but decided to make the most of my night with Carmen. We had a few drinks, talked to a load of celebrities and had a dance. It was a good night by definition but different to what I'd hoped for. After a while I lost Carmen to a member of a very famous boyband. I sat on the sidelines and watched as they danced away.


 


'A pretty lady like you shouldn't be sat on her own' I recognised the voice. I turned around and saw Joe- Kevin, Dani and Sophie were just behind him. 


 


'Mind if we join you?' They asked


 


'Absolutely, Carmens over there being Carmen and I'm over here watching by myself' I laughed 


 


'Yeah about that. I know Nick said he'd have a drink with you but..' Joe began. 


 


'It's ok, I understand' I replied 'I think I was pushing my luck'


 


'No, what he's trying to say is he's back at the hotel waiting for you. He thought it would be best to see each other after all this time by yourselves' explained Sophie. 'He said just to go up, it's suite number 2. Don't worry, we'll watch out for Carmen or then again, maybe he should!'


 


I looked over at her and her hands were all over poor mr boyband.


 


I said my goodbyes and got a car to Nicks plush hotel. 'Lo siento Señora, you cannot go to the suites without a key' explained the lift operator.  


 


'Pero me voy a la habitación de mi marido' I explained I was going to my husbands room but he still wouldn't listen.


 


'Can you call him and ask him?' I was getting irritated. 


 


'If i were to call and ask every time someone tried to get into one of our suites then the person would get no sleep' 


 


I gave up and called Nick myself.


 


'Hey, I'm at the hotel but there's a security guy refusing to let me up to your room, please can you explain who I am'


 


'Put me on speaker- hey, this is my wife, can you please let her up' 


 


'Lo siento Señora' he apologised and took me up to the top floor. The door opened and Nick was stood there waiting for me. I smiled and although he smiled back, I could tell he was as nervous as me.


 


I followed him into the room and sat on the sofa, kicking my painful shoes off.


 


'Make yourself at home then. So what do you want to drink?' 


 


'Just an orange juice, I'm going for an alternative scenario whereby I face up to my truth without alcohol' I was talking absolute verbal diarrhoea.


 


'Interesting, care to tell me more' he said passing me a drink and sitting next to me. His chocolate eyes boring a hole into my soul. 


 


'Well it's a bit of a long one, so get comfy. Do you mind if I grab a quilt from the bed? This dress is a bit short and I want to put my legs up' 


 


'Go ahead or do you want some sweats and a tee?' He offered


 


'Would you mind, I feel like I'm wearing scaffolding under this' I joked.


 


He smiled and handed me clothes from his closet and I began to get changed in front of him without even thinking. 


 


'I'll erm let you get changed' he said disappearing back to the lounge area. 


 


I came back and sat down. He was looking at me expectantly. 


 


'In fact, upon reflection, I think a drink might be a good idea' I laughed nervously. Nick grabbed us a bottle of vodka and some juice from the bar and poured us each a large glass. I downed half and then began to talk.


 


'I'm not really sure where to begin but I need to tell you the truth about everything, so is there anything you really want to know?'


 


'Is it true that you and Sean have been hooking up in London?'


 


'Sean and I have worked on our friendship now we're not working together but that's it. I have zero interest in him romantically or physically, and for what it's worth I still respect the fact we're legally married so I've not even so much as looked at another man'


 


'So why are you insisting we getting divorce then, if you respect our marriage?' he looked puzzled. 


 


I downed the other half of the glass and refilled. I watched as he did the same. 


 


'There's things I need to tell you about me and my past and it's not easy. When I explain it, you'll realise that the reason we're getting divorced is in fact in your best interest'


 


'But you do still love me though, I'm right aren't I?'


 


I looked at my feet. 'I promise you complete honesty tonight. So yes I do'


 


He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I instantly felt comforted, I needed to let it all out. 


 


'I'll try and start from the beginning, this isn't easy though so I need you to just let me talk' I began.


 


He nodded and refilled our glasses. 


 


'So as you know, Sean and I were married. We were young and in love and it seemed like the logical next step when we already lived together. Then the next thing all of a sudden people expected us to have babies and settle down but I had ambition and he wanted to concentrate on his music so instead we focused on having fun. Remember I told you I was a wild child when I was younger? Well it doesn't quite cover it'


 


'How do you mean?' Nick looked confused.


 


'I mean after a while Sean and I basically only had our sex life in common and we took it to the limits. Nothing was out of bounds, and we sometimes had other people join us and Sean used to like to take pictures and videos of me in compromising situations shall we say. Then  when we split he held them against me knowing fine well that I would never want anyone to see them. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret most of the things we did but that's not who I am anymore and if those photos had ever leaked I knew I'd have lost you, my family and ruined your reputation. I couldn't do that to you. Sean decided that he wanted me back when he saw you and I together and decided to start blackmailing me over the images and holding them over me. He also knew that I hadn't told you that I'm bisexual and once I saw he'd leaked the story about the wedding and the fall out from that, I just thought I'd we split up then whatever he later said or did, it wouldn't reflect badly on you'


 


'Ok, so what's changed now then with you and him, it's a bit of a leap from being blackmailed by him to being friends with him. I don't get it'


 


'That day that I had my photos taken going into his house, I went to confront him. He'd told me that if I spent one more night with him then he'd make it all go away'


 


'Wait!' He interrupted, 'you slept together then?'


 


'No, we didn't. I told him exactly how it had made me feel and he knew it was wrong. It also turned out he didn't have the pictures anymore anyway, he burnt them so all of this was for nothing' 


 


He didn't say a word whilst I spoke, he knew I  had to get it all out. Once I finished speaking we sat in silence for a moment whilst he took it all in. Then he wrapped me up in his arms.


 


'You should have told me all of this from the start, it's not easy to hear but the past is the past and you shouldn't let it affect your future, or our future together?' His voice raising at the end in a kind of half question. 


 


'I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I know I'm not the person you thought I was. I just hope you understand now. I can't change what I've done in the past but you didn't deserve to have that ruin you too'


 


'The question is, what do you want now that you've told me all of that and it's in the past and I notice you still have your wedding ring on around your neck' 


 


'I've never once taken it off, it means everything to me' 


 


'Have you really never taken it off?' He asked, clearly emotional.


 


I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. That's when he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his lips on me and I felt mine respond hungrily. It was an intense kiss, our tongues finding each other's. His kisses were the best I'd ever had and these were no exception. I didn't ever want them to stop. His hand reached down and squeezed my ass and I did the same right back to him. 


 


He pulled away from me


 


'I've missed you so much Abbi'


 


I answered him by pulling him back in and kissing him again. We started towards the bedroom, peeling each other's clothes off in a frenzy as we went, I lay down on the bed. He stood at the edge and pulled my legs towards him so my ass was just off the edge and I felt him enter me for the first time in a long time. I couldn't help but groan as the feeling of him sliding in and out of me began. He lifted my legs up so they went over his shoulders and he was as deep in me as he possibly could be. I could hear by his breathing he was loving it as much as I was, and as satisfying as it was securely. I wanted to feel his whole body next to me. 


 


'I want you on top of me, I need to feel you near me'


 


He obliged willingly, but keeping himself on top. Missionary wasn't usually my thing but it felt unbelievable this time, especially with eye contact between us barely breaking, except for moments when it felt so good it was hard to keep my eyes open. He leant on his left elbow, still thrusting away, and used his right hand to play with my nipple whilst kissing my neck. 


'Nick...' I let him know I was close. I knew when I told him I was close it always helped him to find his climax too. I could feel it building between the two of us. Our noises getting louder, his hips thrusting faster and faster and mine meeting them at every movement until I couldn't take it anymore and submitted to the orgasm taking hold of my body. A few more thrusts and he joined me with a loud moan. We lay there for a minute, both our bodies twitching and shaking from the immense amount of pleasure that had just surged through both of us. Then Nick rolled over and pulled me into his arms. I started to cry, the emotion of all that just happened was too much to keep in. 


 


'Don't cry, you're here with me now and I'm not going to let you go this time' he said.


 


'I'm sorry for everything I've put you through but Nick, with everything that's happened. We can't just go back to business as usual, it's going to take time and work. loving each other on its own just isn't enough sometimes'


 


I cuddled right into his chest, it felt so good just being near him, smelling him and touching him. 


 


'But Nick, I do love you, I always have and I do want to try' but when I looked up I realised he was already asleep and hadn't heard me.

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