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I was having a great day, the morning was busy but productive and Sean was on time for lunch for the first time ever. I was glad to see he was still looking great, clearly still sober. I gave him a big hug. The first thing he said was 'I see you kept your promise to me!' Pointing to my finger to my wedding ring. 


'I have indeed!' I told him all about Nick surprising me and us going to give things another shot. Sean knew me inside and out and I could talk as openly and freely as I wanted. I just wished we could have found this balance a long time ago, my hair would have been less grey! Sean had brought me a song he had been working on for his second album and wanted a bit of input. 


‘it's missing something' he explained. I read through the words and they were good but he was right. 


'Ok so sing it to me, I need to get the music right in my head' 


As he began to sing there was a knock on my door and Nick appeared. 'I was passing and I just thought I'd come and say hi' he said walking in and giving me a kiss.


'And check I wasn't fucking your wife over her desk?' Laughed Sean, standing up and shaking his hand. 


'Calm doon you' I shook my head at Sean. 


'What was that song you were singing?' Nick asked.


'Just something I've been working on, Abbi has been helping me with some stuff to hopefully go on my second album. I love this song but it's missing something'


'May I?' Asked Nick, putting his hand out to me for the music. I handed it over and watched him read through it. His phone rang.

'Yes Joe, I'm just saying bye to Abbi. I'll be 2 minutes, ok' and he hung up.


'I'm sorry Abbi but I have to go, Birmingham is calling. But Sean these lyrics are fantastic. I'm back in London tomorrow, what do you say to meeting up in the studio and trying to do something together?' 


'Sounds Great' said Sean looking genuinely pleased. 


I smiled knowing fine well he'd come here to check up on me but at the same time delighted that he was going to work with Sean.


'See you tomorrow, ok?' He said, and I nodded and he left us to it. 


'Do you think he thought we'd be naked?' I asked Sean. 


'Goes without saying. I'm flattered he wants to work with me though, clearly he's doesn't see me as a threat anymore, and I'm absolutely delighted you two are sorting things out'


'All thanks to that article' I smiled. 




That night when I got home Carmen was waiting for all the gossip. 


'Sooooo????' She asked.


'Soooooo.... I've got time off and I'm going back to LA with him once the tour finishes. We've got three weeks together, it's kinda make or break but Nick said that wants to pause the divorce hearing for now so fingers crossed we can sort things out'


'I'm going to miss you' she pouted.


'It's only 3 weeks! I'll be back before you know it'


'Keep telling yourself that, you just got hit by that love bug again!' She joked.


'That's a horrible pun! God I can't wait to get to bed, I feel so tired all the time right now, I think everything is catching up on me'


'Abbi, don't punch me but when was your last period and have you and Nick been careful?' 


'We're always careful, don't worry about it'


'I think you should test anyway, I actually bought you one. There's been a few things that have made me question it recently'


'A baby is the LAST thing I need just now but I'll take the test with Nick when he’s back tomorrow to shut you up. I totally think it's a false alarm but you've got me freaking out now' I laughed nervously, knowing fine well it was going to be negative. Wasn't it? 




Nick text me after the show in Birmingham to let me know it went well and then again when he'd arrived at the hotel to let me know he was back safe, but I'd been asleep. I text Nick back as soon as I woke up. 


'See you when I finish work tonight? I missed you last night. Love you xx' I was keeping it light, needing to take a pregnancy test is a face to face conversation, not for text.


I looked at the test that Carmen had given me the night before. It was scary, but today was the day I was going to take it with him. It hadn't even crossed my mind that it was even a possibility until Carmen had suggested it and now I was obsessing over it. It would make sense with how I was feeling but I was in no way ready to start a family. 


I was surprised when he replied, breaking my chain of thought-

'That would be good but I'm in the studio with Sean later today and not sure what time we'll be finished. I'll call you when I have a better idea. Sorry xx'


Sender: me

'Why are you still awake???xx' 


Sender: Nick

'We didn't get back til 4 and I can't sleep because you're not here xx'


Sender: me

'Can I pop round before work then?xx'


Sender: Nick

'I can't think of anyone I'd like to see more right now x'


I got ready at warp speed and drove round to the hotel. By the time I got there Nick was half asleep. He's always really cute when he's tired, and all he wanted to do was cuddle but I was about to wake him up. 


'Didn't you just want to come and have your wicked way with me?' He joked as I lay on the bed next to him.


'Not exactly, look, I'm not entirely sure how to say this but you know how we're doing the whole honesty is the best policy thing?'


'Ok, you've got my attention now' he said leaning up on his elbow.


I took a deep breath, 'What would you say if I told you that I need to take a pregnancy test?'


His jaw dropped. 'Seriously?'


I nodded 'and I wanted to take it with you later but I can't wait any longer, so that's why I came round now. I don't think it will be positive but I just want to make sure' 


'Well you'd better take it now then' he said getting out of bed. 


I went into the bathroom, peed on the stick and put it down next to the sink, washed my hands, then opened the door for Nick. 


'Well?' He asked tentatively.


'I'm too scared to look'


'We'll look together then' he took my hand and led me to the sink. 'You know you won't see it if you don't open your eyes' he laughed. 


'Ok on the count of three we'll look together, ok?' I suggested.


'On three or after three? Or what about ready, steady, go?'


'Ok, Ready, Steady..... Go' I said. 


We both looked at the test. 


'Thank God!' was the only thing I could say for tears of shock and happiness. Nick fell silent. He turned and walked back through to the bedroom and sat on the couch, still in silence. This wasn't a good sign, I thought he'd have been as relieved as I was. I followed him through. 


'It would have been too fast, not to mention completely unplanned, look at us we're so not ready, but can you just say something, please' I begged him.


He looked me square in the eyes and asked 'would it even have been mine anyway?'


Calmly and without saying a word,I picked up my coat and bag and left him there to think about what he'd just asked me. Clearly the night before when I'd told him I'd not even so much as looked at another man had meant nothing to him, and if he doubted me, I could only imagine who he suspected the 'real' father would have been. 



I called Carmen on my way to work to let her know the news and how Nick had reacted.


'I was absolutely convinced you were phoning to tell me it was positive! How do you feel?' 


'I'd feel better if my husband hadn't just asked if the baby would have been his but yeah I'm good, just relieved'


'Oh shit, he didn't'


'As if I'd have taken a test with him if I had anything to hide' 


'Just give him time, ok? It was a lot for him to take in'


'Yeah as if I didn't know that'


I didn't hear from him all day when I was at work. I just wanted some kind of reaction from him; anger, disappointment, happiness, just anything. Even if it wasn't an apology, I just wanted to hear from him. 


I knew he was going to be in the studio with Sean that afternoon, but then the penny dropped. He'd pretty much accused me of having had sex with him just hours before. I was worried about what was going on between the two of them so I left work early and headed to the studio.


'Hi, I'm here to see Sean, which studio is he in?' I asked the receptionist, who I knew well.


'Oh he's in with your husband, they asked not to be disturbed'


'I get special dispensation' I laughed.


'If you're sure- studio 2’


'Thanks' and I took off towards them. 


I tried to listen through the door but damn the sound proofing, I couldn't hear anything. There was a massive do not disturb sign up and the door was locked from the inside. I decided to text Nick to tell him I was here, or did I have more chance of Sean opening the door, but then Nick wouldn't like it. I felt like a bloody politician. I text Nick-

Hey, I came to see how you're getting on but the doors locked. Am I banned from coming in?xx


He didn't reply but he answered the door a moment later. 


'Good timing, we need an objective opinion on this, come in' he gave me a kiss on the head as I walked in, as if this morning hadn't even happened. Well at least he was in a better mood. I was equally pleased to see that neither of them were bleeding or bruised. 


'Hey!' I waved to Sean in the booth and he waved back. Because he was in the booth I knew he couldn't hear me. 


'You really hurt me this morning' I told him 


'Yeah, I'm sorry, I was completely out of order. It's just a shock you know. One minute I'm thinking you were and then all of a sudden you weren't. I still don't quite know how I feel about it'


Nick pressed a button and spoke into the mike, 'ready when you are Sean' 


The backing track started and I heard the song he'd written. 


'Is that you on the track as well?' 


'Yeah, we decided it would be a good song for us to sing together and we're co-producing it too' 


'That's going to blow up!' I said from a work perspective. 


'Probably' he shrugged coyly. 


'So how have things been with you two, considering this morning you pretty much accused us of having an affair?' I asked, praying that everything was fine.


'I asked him outright if you'd slept together since you'd split up and he laughed at me and told me you'd cut his penis off if you ever saw him naked again' he said with a nonchalant laugh, as if asking Sean that was the most normal thing to have done. 


'You did what?' He'd really pissed me off now. At that moment, Sean came out the booth and hugged me. 


'Hey not the mama' he joked rubbing my tummy. So clearly Nick had told him even more of our private business. 


I pushed his hand away. 'Very funny! Anyway I just popped in to say hi, track sounds great by the way, so I'm going to head home now, I'm really tired' I was furious with Nick.


'I'll walk you to the car' Nick offered.


'No it's fine, don't let me get in the way of the creative process, I'll see you later. Bye Sean' I said coldly.


As I closed the door I heard Sean say to Nick.

'Ooh you're in big trouble' I didn't catch Nicks reply, I was already out of there. I drove straight home and flew through the front door like a bat out of hell. 


'I'm going for a bath, if Nick comes I'm not here, ok?' I told Carmen the minute I walked through the door. I did not want to see him, or anyone else to be honest, not even her. I was lucky that I had a bath in my en-suite so I could relax in peace, I emptied a load of bubble bath in and lit some candles. As soon as it was full, I got in. Then I held my breath and lay under the water, I loved doing it. I stayed there for ages until I needed to breathe and when came up for air, I got the fright of my life, someone was sat on the toilet looking at me.


'Holy shit, first of all how did you get in and second of all, why are you sat on my toilet watching me in the bath?' I just about screamed.


'Carmen let me in, and Abbi, we were married four years, I've seen it all before' laughed Sean.


Thankfully the bubbles were covering most of my modesty. 


'So why are you here?' 


'Could the baby have been mine?' He asked


I didn't know how to answer that, I was sat open mouthed when I was distracted by a message arriving on my phone. 



I'm so so sorry for what I said and for doubting you. I just got my hopes up. All my love xxxx


I turned back to Sean, Nick would flip if he saw us like this right now. And what did that message even mean. Hopes up? 


'Sean unless some kind of miracle has happened then it definitely would not have been your baby, I don't think any human being has ever been pregnant for over two years, do you?'


'Nah, but when Nick asked me I thought I might have missed something when I was off my face' he laughed.


'You wish! Anyway, any night with me would be unforgettable as well you know' 


'Nah, you're not my type anymore' he joked.


'So why are you here? You better not be perving on me'


'I just knew how hurt you'd have been to have him to question that and I wanted to check you were ok'


'I just can't believe he came and spilled out our private business to you, honestly I'm raging'


'Nick and I had a good talk, he knows he doesn't need to worry about me anymore, unless he doesn't treat you right, then I'll kick his arse'


'I'm a big girl now, I can handle things myself' 


'Abs, I might be your husband anymore. But I'm always going to be here for you. Whatever you need. I'm here, ok? Just like when you were there for me' 


'I'd hug you right now but I'm naked. Stop getting me in the feels!' I could feel myself tearing up.


'Anyway those bubbles are starting to pop and I don't want to see your hairy bits so I'm off. Speak to you soon, ok?'


'I'll have you know, my bits are not hairy' I shouted after him. 


I lay in the bath until the water went cold, just thinking about everything. Nick and I were just back together and putting so much pressure on each other already, could I really give up my life here where I was happy and go back to LA with him. I'd already got my head around us getting divorced, was I stupid to have jumped straight back in? Nick hadn't yet cancelled the divorce hearing, I started to wonder if that was a blessing or not. My head was pickled. I put my phone on silent and had an early night. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone. 


The next day I wasn't in the office, I was in central London doing work with a brand new girl band called Harmony. They were starting off with an appearance on morning television and they wanted to talk to me as part of the interview too so I needed to make myself look presentable but none of my clothes looked or felt right. I rushed into Carmen's room and started going through her clothes. 


'Whatthehellisgoingon' she muttered as I woke her up. 


'I'm on the Lorraine show this morning, I need something to wear' 


'Ah the benefits of a boutique owning flat mate'


'Please just help me! Everything I own makes me look awful' 


'Well as your personal shopper I'd advise you to wear these trousers with this top, it's low cut enough to flaunt those new humongous boobs of yours but floaty enough to be comfy' she instructed me. 'But Abbi, are you sure that test was negative?'


'Completely sure! Now can we move on. Thanks for the fashion advice though- watch me at 9:15am ok?'


Nick called me on my way to the tv studio at stupid AM, his body clock was still messed up with jet lag. 

‘Where are you off to so early?' He asked.


'Tv studio, my group is on morning tv and I'm being interviewed too'


'Oh, really? Why don't I meet you at the studio, my turn to watch you on tv?'


'Cool, my group might lose their minds though' I laughed.


'You know the effect I have on women' 


'I know the effect you had on me culminated in a wedding ring! I'll see you soon'

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