It was a strange feeling driving to the courthouse with Nick, knowing I was pregnant with his baby and about to divorce him. Unlike the separation when I desperately wanted to change my mind, there was no hesitation this time. We signed the papers and got back in the car no longer husband and wife, but still his baby inside of me. Simple as that.
'Thanks again for letting me stay' I mumbled when we got back to the house, even though I couldn’t wait to get home.
'No worries' he replied and went off into his studio- his sanctuary.
I knew I had to call Sean and tell him about the baby, he deserved to know after the conversation we’d had last time I saw him.
'Hey Abs, I was hoping I'd hear from you. I miss you'
'I miss you too' I said looking over my shoulder to make sure Nick wasn't there. 'But I have to tell you something'
'Nick and I are going to have a baby'
'A baby? As in you're pregnant?'
'No a bloody iguana, yes I am pregnant. The test I took before was faulty. I'm sorry'
'You don't need to be sorry Abs, you should be happy'
'I know I should be, I just feel trapped, like I can't breathe. I haven't told anyone else yet, not even Carmen so keep it to yourself'
'I will. and Abs, pregnant or not my offer still stands. Just think about it, okay?'
'I just need to be on my own for now, I'm sorry'
'I love you' he said
'I know' was all I could reply.
I decided to go for a swim again to clear my head. Surely this virus thing wouldn't last long and then I could go home to London, all this behind me. Except that couldn't really happen now, like it or not Nick was in my life forever.
I put my swimsuit on and looked in the mirror, there was a slight but definite bump. I'd just been putting it down to all the snacking I'd been doing. I pushed my belly out as far as I could and looked at how I would look in the next few months. Nick walked into the bedroom without knocking.
'Oh my god' he shouted, almost jumping.
'It's not really that big, I'm pushing it out' I explained laughing at the look on his face and relaxing my stomach again.
'Oh right, I got a fright there' he laughed nervously.
'I guess I'll look like that eventually though' I shrugged
'I'm sorry I asked you if the baby is mine, I know it is. I just panicked'
'I get that but there's no way that it's anyone else's, once you get the DNA results you'll know that too'
'I don't need a DNA. I believe you' he tried to reassure me.
'I'm glad but this is not how a baby should be brought into the world, we're up and down like bloody yoyo's, and as of today- divorced' I sat on the bed and Nick came and out his arm around me.
'It's going to be ok Abbi, I'm not going anywhere'
'Tell me about it' I said sniffling turning into his chest.
'I know someone who's going to be over the moon about the baby though'
'Alena?' I guessed.
I buried my head further into his muscular chest and both his arm went around me .
'This isn't how it was meant to be' I sighed.
'I know but this is how it is and it's down to us what happens next'
'You're right' I agreed.
His body next to mine felt warm, familiar and reassuring, but I couldn't allow myself to get used to it again, we were now officially divorced.
'I'm going for that swim now' I said getting up.
'I'm going back to work, I’ve got stuff to do' he replied and we both went our separate ways.
When I hit the pool I powered up and down, doing length after length. Maybe I could train myself to swim home? Eventually, I pulled myself out of the pool, exhausted and lay on one of the loungers sipping a juice that I really wanted to be an alcoholic beverage.
'Mind if I join you? Asked Nick, coming out of the house.
'It's your house' I smirked like a smart arse. He lay down on the lounger next to me, wearing the tightest of swim shorts. It took me back.
'Remember when you took me out on the yacht?' I smiled.
'Our second date? Of course I remember. It was the day that I realised that you were the one' he replied .
'Same or at least we thought we were’
He turned his head towards me and raised his sunglasses, his eyes squinting in the bright midday sun. 'We should go again, once things are back to normal'
'That would be nice and by that time I might not need a life jacket to keep me buoyant in the water' I said rubbing my tummy. His hand joined mine and he held my stomach protectively.
'So what happens next, with the baby I mean?' He asked.
'I'm not entirely sure, I've never done this before you know' I gave a nervous smile.
'I just want to be as involved as possible, if you'll let me?'
I rolled my eyes, 'are you serious? You're the father. It's not about me letting you. I kinda took it for granted that you would be'
'Are you going to have the baby here or back in London?' He asked
'I haven't even thought about it. My heads still all over the place'
'There will always be a place for you and baby here' he reassured me, his hand still on my belly. For one moment I closed my eyes and pretended we were a happy family and not an absolute screw up.
I woke up in the middle of the night to my phone ringing, it was Carmen.
'You never guess what's just happened'
'Urgh, bloody time difference' I grunted
'Boris Johnson has declared a lockdown in the UK, you won't be able to fly back' she shouted.
'What?' That woke me up.
'We're going into lockdown, they're shutting all the airports to international flights'
'I'm going to phone the airline again, call you back'
All flights were full and the one I was originally booked on had been cancelled. I was officially stuck. I went to Nicks bedroom and shook his arm, giving him a fright, and explained what was going on. I offered to rent somewhere else but he wouldn't hear of it.
'Lie down next to me. I want to talk to the baby' he said. I lay back and he put his head on my tummy 'Hey JJ, your mommy is being very silly, you and her are going to live here with daddy until all this horrible stuff is finished, ok'
'JJ?' I asked
'Jonas Junior' he explained
'Ah makes sense, well I'll let you get back to sleep. I was just freaking out and wanted to tell you' I went to get up when he said 'Stay'. It took me completely by surprise. 'Why?' I was confused.
'Because i don't want you going back through there and stressing out by yourself' he knew me too well.
'Oh right, yeah' I don't know what I was expecting him to say. I climbed into bed next to him.
'You know, our baby is going to be due the same time as Sophie & Joe’s, that's crazy isn't it' he said, again his hand finding its way back to my tummy.
'Yeah, about what you said earlier, I've decided to have the baby here. You said you've got a lot of time around then and I'll not be able to travel a lot with a newborn so it makes sense. What do you think?' I asked him.
'I think that's a great idea, I think maybe we should use this time to learn to work together as friends now. Let me be here for you Abbi'
'Okay' I replied, turning over and going back to sleep.
Shes in bed next to me and I want nothing more than to hold her but I don't want to confuse things now we're divorced. I can't help but feel we’ve made a huge mistake and all because I was too stubborn to back down. I'm just glad she's agreed to have the baby here.
I was awake before her in the morning so I went to the studio and video called Kevin.
'Hey bro, how are you after yesterday?’
'Well yesterday turned out to be quite something, that's for sure' I laughed
'So did you quit the stubbornness or are you guys actually divorced?' He asked
'The second but listen, that's not all. She got her blood results and she's pregnant, we had a scan and baby is due end of July' I confessed.
Kevin rubbed his forehead in confusion. 'Nick, I don’t know what to say, the divorce was meant to be a clean break and now this? If you can't handle her in London on her own, how are you going to cope with her and the baby going?'
'I have no idea. She's agreed to have the baby here and she'll be living with me for the foreseeable so I guess we'll need to see how it goes'
'You don't half like to make things hard for yourself man'
'I believe it's character building' I shrugged my shoulders.
'And I believe it's a recipe for a week long residency on Dr Phil' he laughed
'Look don't tell anyone about the baby yet ok?'
Kevin agreed and we said goodbye. We had a family Skype planned later on so I'd speak to him again soon.
I came out of the studio and she was in the kitchen making breakfast. I noticed her tight t-shirt had ridden up and I could see her belly.
'Scrambled eggs?' She asked with a smile
'Sure, thanks' I replied.
She seemed a lot calmer than last night thankfully, and she even thanked me for being there for her when she was panicking, as if I'd be anywhere else.
'I'm going to Skype my family later, do you want to them then?' I just hoped Kevin wouldn't have said anything by then.
'Ok, Skype then I’m going for a walk, I am getting a bit bored of swimming' she said
'Why don't you come into the studio with me for a bit after this?' I suggested.
'Okay' she smiled. I love her smile. Stop it Nick, she's not yours anymore.
We ate and went into the studio together. There's not many people I let into my studio but it seemed so natural to have her there with me. I played her a couple of the new tracks and she wasn't afraid to tell me what she thought of them and how I could improve them. I had an idea though.
'How about we try recording that last song as a duet? Just for fun?'
'Just for fun?' She asked, and I nodded.
'Okay then' she smiled.
'I thought you said you'd never sing again?' I asked surprised that she hadn't taken much persuading.
'I know but it's just for fun and it's with you so it's different'
'Why did you stop singing?' I realised I'd never asked her before.
'Dad tried to buy me a record deal. I was so excited to get the offer and then I discovered it was a case of him speaking to a friend and well, you know how stubborn I can be'
I took her into the booth and put the earphones on for her, she bit her lip and it drove me crazy. I wanted her so badly. I noticed she didn't have a bra on and her nipples were hard. I had to leave the booth quickly so that she didn't see what was happening in my trousers.
'Okay, let's hear what you've got' I said pressing play on the backing track. I listened as her vocals filled the room. She was so natural in there and she almost got it first time, there's not many people who can say that. I decided to go back into the booth and try to record it together. I explained how we'd do it and we talked through the arrangement and off we went. I'd written the song about her when we first got together and it was about love at first sight. I didn't know if she realised it was about us though.
Singing with her there was so completely intense that we got lost in the words and I saw a tear in her eye- she must have realised. I reached out my arms to hold her and she let me. I held her tight and I couldn't help but get turned on. She must have realised because next thing I know we were kissing. It took me by surprise but I didn't want anything more in that moment in time. We threw off the earphones, pulling at each other's clothes and next thing I knew we were both naked and she was on top of me, and I was inside her. I reached up and touched her already swollen breasts and she threw her head back. God damn. She started off hard but she soon slowed down, exactly how she knew I liked it. We didn't say a word all the way through until I felt her tighten around me and she called out my name as I felt her tip over the edge, it sent me over the edge too as she lay on top of me, her head buried in my shoulder.
'I love you Abbi' I said. It was out before I knew it and the worst thing was she didn't reply. Not a word. She lay there for another minute, then got up, picked up her clothes and I watched her walk out the studio completely naked.
What the fuck did I just do? Why did I just fuck everything up? I'd told myself that could never happen again and then I'd just basically jumped him. I can totally blame pregnancy hormones, can't I?
I got into the shower attached to the guest room and stood there under the water mentally berating myself. Whilst my eyes were closed, he walked in the room and got in the shower with me and kissed me again. What the hell was going on? I pushed him back gently.
'What are we doing? We got divorced yesterday?' I asked him.
'I just need to be with you' he said and started kissing me again, this time I didn’t resist. His hand disappeared between my legs and his fingers slid inside me while his thumb worked on my clit. It felt amazing and I came again quickly, my legs almost buckling under me. I looked into his eyes as I did and he was totally getting off on it too.
'Tell me that you don't want this, that you don't want me and I'll leave now. We can call this a moment of madness and never mention it again' he said
I didn't reply, I didn't know what to say. He kissed me again and turned me round and pushed my head down and he took me from behind, pulling my hair back, as I held on to the tiles for balance. It didn't take long for him to explode inside me again. At least contraception wasn't a concern now.
I turned around and looked at him, the water pouring down his face, red from what had just happened and I pulled him into me and we held each other as tight as we could with my belly in the way, but my conscience kicked in.
'I'm sorry Nick, we shouldn't have done this, can you please go' I managed to say.
I heard him swallow hard and he got out of the shower. 'Come into my office when you're out, I think we should tell my family together, if that's ok?'
When I joined Nick in the study he logged onto the group call. Everyone else was already online.
'Oh, hello you two' said Paul slightly suspiciously.
'Hi, I just asked Abbi to join us today, if that's ok?'
'Sure, we were just talking about Soph and how the baby is doing, she's having another scan in 2 weeks' explained Joe
'That's fantastic Sophie, how are you keeping?' I asked
'Great, but it's such a weird time to be pregnant with all this going on'
'I know' I laughed.
'Aunt Abbi, when is your baby coming?' Asked Alena.
'No honey, it's Aunt Sophie having the baby' laughed Denise.
'Not just Aunt Sophie Grandma, I heard uncle Nick tell daddy this morning when I was hiding' she replied.
'Actually, Alena's right. We got a surprise when the blood results came back' Nick explained with as happy a voice as he could manage.
'Before or after the divorce?' Asked Sophie, eyes massive, clearly wrapped up in the drama.
'Before' I replied.
'So how far on are you?' Asked Dani.
'17 weeks-ish. Baby is due at the end of July, around the same time as you Sophie' I explained.
'Have you got a big belly yet? Can I see?' Asked Alena, clearly unaware of the adults reactions.
I stood up and showed her.
'Ooh that's cool, two baby cousins at the same time' she was so excited. Denise looked horrified.
'We can talk about it later Mom, okay?' Nick said picking up the vibe.
I excused myself for the rest of the call, it didn't seem right for me to be part of a family Skype session with them all.
I decided to take Nicks dog for a walk and was just about to leave when Nick shouted me back in to his office, explaining his Mom and dad wanted to talk to us both. Oh boy!
'Hi' i said tentatively.
'Look we're not about to lecture you two, you're both grown adults and are capable of making your own decisions and learning from your own mistakes, but now there's going to be a baby involved you two need to stop mucking about. You need to make important decisions now; it's time to decide if you want to try and make it work as a family or as two separate parents. It's not going to be plain sailing either way but it's not fair to carry on the way you're going now' Denise explained.
'I know' Nick agreed
'Me too, Nick and I are just going to focus on being parents now' I explained.