The ray of sunshine beat against my bare shoulder. Fluttering my eyes open, it seemed the only sunshine that shone bright was right in front of me, slowly breathing as he slept. He seemed so peaceful as he slept with a small smile. I couldn’t help but smile back at him. Feeling his strong arms wrapped tight around me, I kissed the bare muscle before twisting my way out of the bed. I pulled the blanket to wrap against my naked body before quietly retreating out of the room.
The moment I walked out of the bedroom, the sun nearly blinded me eyes as I shielded them with my arm against my forehead. I looked behind me to see the couch facing the perfect view from the window. I sat down slowly and pondered for a moment; as if it would to be my only time to. Wrapping the blanket closer around me, I looked down at my fumbled fingers.
I’ve never thought much of the phrase, “One person can change your entire life.” I found it cliché and ridiculous. Nick didn’t change my entire life. He never has. The fact was that Nick was my entire life. He never entered one day or left another. He had been there from the complete beginning. The weird thing I realized was last night seemed to be near an end. In the back of mind, I imagined a bright light in the end of a long tunnel.
I wasn’t sure where the end would head to; with or without Nick. It seemed like a lot of things wouldn’t be easy to be sure about anymore. I had never imagined my first kiss to be my “first”, if you understood what I truly meant. I never imagined it to be with Nick, neither of them. I don’t think Nick imagined his “first” to be with me or before he was married either. What had I gotten myself into?
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” It rang through my head numerous times. What if I didn’t want this to just stay in Vegas? It wouldn’t happen though. It would always stay within the secrets in Las Vegas, Nevada, alongside many other secrets. What was going to happen once I got out of this city? What was going to happen when we all got back to Los Angeles? Would it all just be the same? Everything I hoped for and wished for would be whisked away alongside sand grains?
The thought of rejection never seemed so scary in my entire life. I realized that if I didn’t have Nick with me, I couldn’t continue being the person who I was. I refused to pretend everything was okay when it certainly was the opposite.
Biting my lip, I could hear shuffling footsteps from behind me. Knowing the rough smell of Old Spice cologne, I knew instantly it was none other than Nick walking over to me. I looked up to see his usually perfect styled set of curls in a mess of twists and turns. My eyes trailed over to see his bare chest, illuminating off the sunlight, I felt as if I was staring at Edward Cullen with curly hair. He was just as beautiful.
He sat beside me quietly. Keeping a good distance between the both of us, his fingers tugged onto his boxers. They seemed to tremble slowly. We sat in silence for a few moments, as if to recoil our last thoughts. I quickly glanced to see if he had changed much of an expression. He didn’t budge at all in the couch. I turned away again, looking back at the window before me. I felt him quick glance back at me.
I looked at the blanket that I wrapped tightly around myself. I began to fumble with the uneven hem nervously. I found it hard to find my voice to speak. Pulling enough of my hard through, I slowly turned to see him lifeless and sullen. “Do you regret it?”
He looked down into his intertwined fingers before letting his eyes trail towards mine. My heart began to beat as fast as his eyes came towards mine. Once locked, I felt everything stop. He was no longer at someone who was once called, “The Jonas Sister.” He was gazing at a much stronger force that held us together. He shook his head steadily. “Never.” Every syllable trickled down his lips slowly, he didn’t lose sight of me. “Do you?”
I bit my lip self consciously, bringing back a strand of frizzy curly hair behind my ear. I didn’t dare look back into deep pools of brown eyes. I shook my head quietly, not speaking another word. It was a moment where you couldn’t speak. I couldn’t find any other word to say to him. What else could possibly be said? My eyes looked down at my empty cracked hands. “What are we going to do?”
Suddenly feeling the emptiness that overtook my fingers filled with warmth and care, I looked down to see Nick caressing his palm against mine. “I don’t know.” That was the most he could tell me. I respected that in a weird way. At least it seemed he thought closely about it as well. He leant down to kiss my forehead sullenly. “All I know is that I love you and to me, that’s all that matters.”
I nodded, quietly before tilting my head high enough to where our lips matched perfectly. I brought my free hand into his mess of curls. He sent a sweet kiss which sent soft shivers down my spine. Smiling against his lips, I pulled away gently. I saw in his eyes that he begged for more but I couldn’t allow it. “I have to take a shower.” I got up, slowly letting go of the interlace between our fingers.
He smiled devilishly. “Can I go in with you?”
Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous, Nick.” Without another word, we separated our ways towards our own bedrooms.
After finishing my shower and getting ready, I walked out the bedroom to see Nick waiting for me on the counter. As he realized I was outside, his eyes trailed up and down at my green cotton dress. “Checking me out, much?” I rolled my eyes before walking over to him. He smiled bashfully before kissing my temple.
“Couldn’t help it, I guess. Who knew it took me this long to realize my best friend was so sexy?” His warm breath sent tingles against my skin as he mumbled against my forehead still kissing it softly. I could feel his fingers sliding down my waist. As he brushed his nose into my hair, I could feel him slowly raising my dress high against my upper thigh. I brought my lips to softly press against his, slightly tugging him closer to me.
Smiling devilishly against my lips, he began to kiss more fiercely, slowly mumbling sweet lullabies or quoting a song that reminded him of me. “You are my sunshine on a cloudy day,” was one of the many. I guess this is what it was like to make out with a rockstar. I didn’t mind though, it only made me kiss more. His hands were already deep underneath my dress, holding my upper thighs closer to him.
Jumping on my toes, I wrapped my legs around him and interlaced my arms behind his head. He only chuckled at my quick maneuver. He pulled away, now kissing sweetly against my temple downwards on my neck. I closed my eyes as I rolled my head back to allow him an easier target. “Nick…oh, Nick...” I began to mumble breathlessly.
I felt his warm legs slowly brush higher underneath my dress and closer to my bra. He brought his lips closer and closer as if he was nearly teasing me. I narrowed my eyes at his playful smirk. “Signed, sealed, delivered, I’m yours, baby,” Only rolling my eyes I kissed him once again. I brought my fingers to fumble against his button down plaid shirt. I began to consciously loosen the buttons at a slow pace. He didn’t seem to oblige. Innocently mumbling words that didn’t make sense at the time, Nick was already throwing off his shirt, showing off his bare chest.
Suddenly, a loud knock, more like a fist, roared against the door. This made Nick and I jumped out of each other’s arms. Gazing down at our distraught appearances, we significantly made the moment especially awkward. Nick, nearly have naked, was staring down my nearly torn dress and messy hair. “Nick, open this door or I swear to God I will knock it down myself!” Joe yelled from outside.
I heard a sarcastic cough, probably from Kevin. “Joe, trust me. You couldn’t do that even if you tried. No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”
“You don’t know that!” Joe retorted.
I mouthed to Nick as I began to scuffle to my room, “Get your shirt!” He nodded as he ran to the other side of the living room to retrieve his clothes. I ran inside my room to find another dress instead of the one Nick basically murdered. Hurriedly pulling a yellow vintage bubble dress over my head, I tried my hardest to pull a brush through my hair. Once suitable, I opened the door to see all the guys sitting in the living room.
I innocently waved, nearly looking shocked that they were present. “Hey guys! What are you doing here?”
They shared suspicious looks. Joe spoke first. “We’ve been waiting forever for you guys in the lobby. We’re starving and the girls are getting antsy. I think they’re experiencing a hangover or PMS; whichever it is, we want to hit the road.” I nodded as I picked up my bag. The boys got up as well and started one by one heading out of the room. I looked over at Nick who was the last. We stood at a silent gaze but walking ahead, he winked playfully at me.
The moment I saw the girls, I could see Mandy’s vicious and manipulative eyes pierce through. It was as if she already knew everything. You could see through that smug smile. It was identical to the moment I first met her she hadn’t changed at all.
As go for the other girls, well, it showed well that they didn’t have much sleep. Dressed in their pajamas, they groggily greeted us. I tore away from Nicholas, trying not to show affection to each other whatsoever. We were hoping to put on a convincing act that could fool everyone. The problem was, it felt harder each second apart to not be beside him; not being the one to hold his hand.
Pulling Joe besides her, Mandy didn’t seem to waste anymore time. “So how was your party?” Sipping down her drink, I noticed her eye brow instinctively rise higher than the other. She was expecting a story alright. As the bridesmaids and Miley seemed to be suffering through a severe hangover, Mandy seem composed and sober.
Turing across the long table, Nick realized his initiative to speak. He shrugged casually, “Um, definitely unexpected,” He slowly gazed back at me, leaving everyone else to seemingly disappear. I felt a deep red blush seep into my cheeks. The rest of the boys seemed to agree with him but with slightly different deceptions in mind from Nick.
Suddenly, Frankie seemed to dinner, “The only weird thing was that you and Nick kind of disappeared after a few minutes.” Then, remarkably different from the moment before, everything seemed to close to a standstill. Even the drunken messes for a bridal party stopped groaning in pain for once to Frankie’s comment.
For once in my life, I did not know what to say next. I couldn’t look at Nick for that would certainly I’ve away so much already but I would never forget the unhealthy satisfied look on Mandy’s face. Anything could be going through her mind at the point. It was barely ten minutes and our act was nothing to be fooled by. I should have known all along.
“Maya was getting really tired so she headed to bed. I kind of wanted a breather from the party so I took a walk along the strip. By the time I got back, you guys weren’t there anymore so I just went to sleep. You guys know me; I’m not the party type.”
The attention was immediately taken off of me and towards Nick. Some were actually shocked to hear Nick for once. Usually Miley’s taking over the entire show but since she’s in an unfortunate state, she was unable to do so. He looked back at me, raising his brow. I nodded unsteadily, through the aftershock, to agree with him. He smiled, looking back at his menu, permanently dropping the subject.
The moment we got back home, I literally wanted to kiss the ground. I’ve never been in a feet and felt so uncomfortable in my life. We sat in the same seats incidentally. Nick was beside Miley as she laced her arm around him in claim. I watched silently, resisting and trying to distinguish the jealous the raged within me. I just listened to Joe’s ongoing conversation with himself.
It had seemed that I wasn’t the only one taking notice. Carly seemed to watch sullenly at me as I watched Nick. She knew me well enough by now to know my facial reactions of exactly what I was thinking. By the time we got out of the jet, she took my arm and whispered roughly, “We need to talk.” I nodded slowly, not looking back at her. If I did, I would have diminished in a rage of tears. I could see it now; I would drop to my knees and wave towards the lowly cement ground. I would confess to every crime that I couldn’t control.
From them on people would finally see the traitor and sinner I truly became just because of one guy.
Then again, Nick was no longer a guy in my life. He was the guy. Growing up without a father really just left me helpless. Nick was there to pick up every piece that was left in the puzzle. But what if this time around, he was the last piece that I needed in order to finish? That particular piece was so genuine and importantly that without it, the entire puzzle would be lifeless and useless. That’s how I felt without Nick: lifeless and useless.
Less was the keyword in it all. The less Nick was there, the less I really felt about myself. He was what kept my together and yet he’s making me fall apart at the exact same time. It wasn’t fair at all on my part.
“So you did him?” Carly said, her eyes were ready to fall out of their sockets from the shock of the entire situation. She may have expected to finally tell him my true feeling but not much after that. Oh, was she in a surprise of her life. “You did your best friend, who’s getting married tomorrow night. You did Nick Jonas, the staple of purity.”
I pursed my lips nervously. “Technically speaking, if you wanted to be specific, he did me.” I slowly corrected. I watched her shut her eyes closed and shook her head recklessly. Still biting my lip, I looked down at my fumbled fingers. There wasn’t a way much of a way out of this. “And the worst part was that he was completely sober.”
She opened her eyes once again, now narrowing them straight towards me. “Are you sure?” I nodded, completely sure of my verdict. She rubbed small circles against her eyes while sighing slowly. “You are in some seriously trouble, girl.” Thanks Captain Obvious for pointing out what I’ve known for months now. I didn’t retort that though, leaving me to simply nod back.
But I’ll give her a break. I suppose she didn’t really understand the circumstance of what was once called “a silly little crush” until now. She probably didn’t believe me at first since she didn’t know me well at that point. Not her or anyone in the world could possibly understand the pain I render each and every day. This was the story that Nicholas Sparks should have thought of first.
In truth, there couldn’t possibly be a happy ending. Someone’s going to get hurt and more than likely that person would to be me. I sighed, letting my entire chest collapse before me. Nicholas Sparks would have enough creativity to make a happy ending and a cheesy epilogue. The problem proceeded that Nicholas Sparks could make no effect on my current situation in complete reality.
Across the room, Carly kept her chin resting against her palm. We watched each other quietly with no more intentions to speak. This moment didn’t need another word. Silence was comforting for once. It gave enough time to slowly breathe and recoil my last thoughts. Then at the end of the long silence, she spoke words I could never forget.
“Sometimes ‘goodbye’ is the greatest way of saying ‘I love you’.”
It was ticking towards seven and the sun was near to set. As Carly and I drove up to the wedding rehearsal, we sat in shock, slowly gazing at the beautiful site. The strung lights brightened the dark empty sky and kept it awake. They twinkled like genuine diamonds above. The orchids stood beside the main aisle, popping the bright blue color subtly just as I imagined. It was more than beautiful as I could have possible imagined. Rebecca was correctly credited and I hope she got her rightful pay in the end.
We stepped towards the ceremony site and fell in a fairytale, like a different dimension. The tulle wrapped around each chair playfully and not in a tacky way (in which I imagined they’d be). The important white satin had covered the ground for the main walkway which exceeded the entire venue. The archway where Nick and Miley would stand as husband and wife had nearly decimated me towards tears. The flowers and lights strung together as one above where they would be.
Seeing my weariness, Carly took my by the hand to greet everyone else and away from the wedding scene. I did as I was told and followed behind. Everyone could see the dread in my eyes and wounded me tight in their arms, especially the boys and Ellie. For they all knew, and they knew that if anyone didn’t want to be hear more than anyone else, it would certainly be me. For the remaining time of our wait, I played with Baby Kevin and Kimmy.
Soon commotion began to stir, all heads look up to see Nick and Miley making their grand entrance. Well, technically, Miley did as Nick stood behind, lacing his fingers in hers. My eyes began to wander down back at the kids. It felt wrong to watch them walk in together on the night before their wedding day. It felt like a sin alongside the others.
As everyone welcome them, accept me, I pretended to keep busy with the kids. Though, my eyes quickly glanced to Nick looking back at me. He didn’t seem as happy as an almost married man would be. Could it be possibly that he was in just as much pain as I was? Well, that would nearly be impossible really. I shook off the thought and continued to play patty-cake with Kimmy. “Auntie Maya, why so sad?” Kimmy pouted as she laced her small fingers into mine. “I don’t see you happy anymore.”
I looked down at her quiet childish eyes. She was right; there wasn’t anything that could make me happy anymore. I wasn’t a happy person at all. Happiness is a privilege and I guess that’s something I can’t receive anymore. I didn’t want to let her guard down though so I quietly smiled and kissed her curly brown tresses. As I pulled her into my lap, I could see slow footsteps coming towards us. I didn’t have to guess who it could possibly be. “Hey,” I said, not looking in his light brown eyes.
He sat beside us and took Baby Kevin into his arms. I took the time to look at the both of us. We looked like one big happy family with kids in our arms to love and hold. I trailed my eyes towards his and stared deeply towards mine. We didn’t smile nor any other facial expression but looked at each other. I wish I could’ve cried and brought myself downwards to my knees. That’s how I felt inside but I could never show my true feelings anymore. “I wish there was an easier way out of this.”
I shook my eyes before pulling my eyes away from his gaze. “You could get out of anything if you wanted to.” I said rather forcefully. “It’s all in your head. Sometimes I wish you’d listen more to your heart. That’s what counts.” I stood up from the chair and took Kimmy’s hand in mine as we trailed away. I could hear Nick running behind me.
“Maya!” I turned on my heel and stared at him, waiting. He sighed and took my free hand within his. “You know that you’re the only one I could ever need.” He pleaded with weary eyes. I didn’t believe it though and it made me furious. I pulled my hand out of his and kept it at my side, wiping it against my dress.
“Prove it.” I retorted in a spat and as I was to walk away, Miley was coming towards us. I sighed and stayed in my position. I gritted a smile as I kissed her ‘Hi’. She looked stunning compared to me and my frock. She kept her naturally wavy and wore a white silhouette I guess to mock her real white dress for the wedding.
“Sweetie,” She turned to Nick who guiltily turned back. The thick Southern accent pulled both of us in. “The rehearsal is starting and well we can’t start without either of you.” I forced a fake smile and followed behind the two of them. Was this how I would spend the rest of my life, following behind?
We all began to circle around Rebecca, looking rather professional in her pink suit and clip board in hand. “Hello everyone, I am Rebecca Duplechain, the wedding planner and I’d like to thank each one of you for making this day possible.” She began to clap for us which gradually became a mutual clap. It was awkward and forceful on our side of the hustle. “Alright so let’s get started, shall we?”
She began to line, position, and order people into their places. We held our bouquets which were beautifully arranged with the orchids we had ordered. Nick stood at the front side of the aisle, clasping his hands before him. As I stood behind the bridesmaids, I couldn’t help to scan Nick slowly. He wore gray skinny jeans, matching gray jacket, and a white shirt in which trailed against his stomach, showing his abdomen. I nearly lost my breath before learning how to take in small gasps.
The procession soon began. The following couples walk down the aisle: John and Marissa, Ryan and Ana, Jack and Molly, Garbo and Carly, Frankie and Noah, Kevin and Gracie, then finally Joe and AJ. I’ll admit, whoever picked who’s escorting who really didn’t know them well. Mandy walked ahead, pressing a rather unfriendly smile at me before so. I could picture that fake smile she plastered as she strutted down the aisle. I hope people could see straight through it as well as I could. It was a mask, an ugly mask if anything.
She took a few minutes as if she wanted for everyone there to take in that she had arrived. I wanted to puke from her cliché-ness but merely rolled my eyes. Then it became my turn to walk “slowly but at a nice pace” as Rebecca put it. I nodded while I clutched onto my bouquet and began to walk down the processional. Everyone was smiling at me and I gritted a smile back. Half of the people there knew I couldn’t stand to be there in the first place so I didn’t try too hard.
As I walked down, I could see Nick at the other end. I couldn’t help but pretend that I was the one he was waiting for at the end of the aisle. Beautiful and dressed up in white lace and a veil hiding over my swept back hair. He’d be in his black suit hands in one another just like he did. He would smile, not because people would see him but because he was genuinely happy that I’d be the one he’ll be with for the rest of his life.
I couldn’t help but imagine, in that long walk towards him, that if we did have a life together, that it would be the happiest we could ever imagine. Waking up to sunshine, and I hardly mean the nature type of sunshine, each and every morning would complete the rest of my day. Having a close family with him, children to love because we together had created miracles. We’d define the meaning of happily be wed, because you can be happy even after marriage.
I had stopped and realized I was at the dead front. The images completely wiped away from my mind as I stood behind Nick and watched as Miley came down the aisle. Even without her wedding dress, she looked just as beautiful. It was hard to compare and I knew that well. Nick smiled, probably imagining tomorrow night through his head. He’d be happy just like any other groom and I’d be expected to be the same as the best girl.
I sighed as I began to fumble with the ribbon on the flowers, trying not to look back at the happy couple as they stood together before everyone. Rebecca began to go on about the wedding but it didn’t seem appealing enough to catch my attention. I just sulked behind the happy little couple and watched on as they both smiled back at each other. It wasn’t fair.
The entire rehearsal seemed to drag on in what seemed like days. The worst part was that it apparently wasn’t really that long. We spend maybe forty-five minutes at the most and yet my brain was ticking off months by now. It was the same, “look in each other’s eyes deeply, keep her hands within yours tightly as if you’re never to let her go, and then walk slowly”. For crying out loud, this is a wedding not a tragic scene from Titanic.
“Okay, so we should head inside to start on the sound check for the reception rehearsal.” Miley said as she pointed to the inside ballroom. This was another sad point of being a part of musical sensations’ weddings: they find any excuse to have a concert just so they can amp up their ratings. Well, I wouldn’t doubt that Miley supported this idea more than Nick really did.
According to the set list, Mandy would go first then Joe, Kev, and the rest of the band, Miley would sing a duet with Nick, and then after their duet I would go ahead and sing my song for their first dance. This was so corny, I wanted to gag. At the same time, I wanted to cry.
Mandy zipped through her own horrifying I-can-never-see-again-after-that-strip-act kind of gig in a quick second, thankfully. Then the boys sang their very own Got Me Goin’ Crazy, except minus Nick. The “Got Me Goin’ Crazy” part definitely seemed to be pointing towards Miley direction but definitely in a way that she wouldn’t assume. It sure felt convincing to me.
My turn came by quickly, quicker than I was hoping for. Miley and Nick began to practice their dance together. Clearly, she was leading and Nick let her do so. He seemed to have cared less if they could be shoo-ins for Dancing with the Stars but she did. “Nick, stop slouching and take my hand. No, Nick, you take back that step. Ow, you stepped on my foot, Nicholas!” She screeched. As I threw over a microphone cord, I could see the rest of the band smiling and laughing. I couldn’t help but do the same.
Nick sighed as Miley left the dance floor to ice her foot. I could see those shoulders crouching even further before him as he walked over. I smirked as I knelt down to him. “Looking good, Fancy Feet. You bring Liberace to shame.” I could see him roll his eyes and try to pretend that I didn’t demean his ego at all.
He crossed his arms against his chest as he leaned against the stage. “Why don’t you try to dance with the Hitler for dancing and get back to me? It’s a complete nightmare.” He replied sarcastically. I continued to position my microphone and reminding myself of the lyrics in my head. I was hoping not to make a complete fool of myself tonight. Nick was watching me, studiously. His fingers trailed against my bare calf, nearly leading my knees to buckle. I pulled my leg away from his hold and dug my eyes into his.
“Stop it. People can see us.” I hissed through my teeth. He merely rolled his eyes. “You know you’re about the worst groom I could have ever seen in my life. Congrats.” I rolled my eyes as I started to hum the melody of the song. I closed my eyes, zoning away from Nick, and slowly swayed to the music playing through my head. When I opened my eyes again, it had seemed that Nick barely moved from his spot. His eyes still well fixated on mine. “Don’t you have to practice your dance, Casanova?” I asked sarcastically.
He shrugged nonchalantly before smirking closely. “Maybe you can assist me with that?” I furrowed my brows and leant all my weight on one leg. The worst part was that he was surely not joking. I laughed, rolled my eyes, and continued what I was previously doing. I could just pretend I didn’t hear that last little sentence.
Then clanks-for-footsteps came towards us, Miley bumped her head into the conversation. She smiled satisfied as she pulled me down from the stage. “I think that would be a great idea!” She said, a little too excitingly. I couldn’t help but quietly groan inwardly. Miley was always known for bad timing and making situations even more awkward. She pulled the two of us in the middle of the dance floor. I pouted and begged Miley to not let me go on. She sighed and begged back, more convincing than I tried to be. “Please, Maya, I am completely desperate.”
I sighed as Miley walked back to the table to look on. I felt like the puppet to Nick, my puppeteer. I hated attention and this type of attention was completely unnecessary. Nick pulled me closer towards him, securing his hand on the small of my back. I breathed in gradually and took hold of his shoulder as we laced our fingers together. “Why are we doing this?” I sighed as we began to flow together against the dance floor.
“What? The dancing?” Nick questioned, completely oblivious.
I shook my head, trying to keep my eyes not locking with his. “No, Nick, why are we trying to keep an act? I don’t want to act like everything’s okay anymore. I don’t want to be someone I’m clearly not. This whole process has put me through more sacrifice than anything I’ve ever experienced. Why do we have to resort to lies? Why do I have to be the one hurt?” I said, pushing back tears. I couldn’t cry at the reception in front of a group of people. It wouldn’t be fair for me.
Nick sighed, trying to tilt my chin higher but I resisted and swat his hand away from my face. He sighed slowly before answering. “Maya, I’ve sacrificed just as much. I’ve always loved you from the very start but it’s just taken me a while to realize it. If I could run away with you, I would completely take that chance but I can’t. You know I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be fair for everyone else.”
His words were deadly and it trickled against my blo
od. I dared to look in those deep brown eyes and tried to keep my composure. “It wouldn’t be fair for everyone else? It wouldn’t be fair to me, Nick. What about me? What about what I think? What about my feelings? I’ve given up my entire life for you for as long as I could remember because you were all that mattered to me. But for once, I want you to give up something of your time for me. I just want that. That’s all I could ever ask and you make it seem impossible. I’m not just going to wait for something that’s not there.” The tears were beginning to fall down my cheeks but I quickly brushed them away. Hopefully, if anyone saw it, they’d think they were tears of joy. Why of course, another lie.
“You think that I couldn’t give up my life for you? Maya, you’ve been apart of my life for years.” He defended, gripping onto my hand tighter. We swayed against the silent music but still kept a constant beat. There was still emptiness in his eyes and more likely, his heart. He was trying to spoon feed me recited words but I couldn’t take it much longer.
I shook my head, swallowing down a river of coming tears. Each tear that became a rivulet hurt within me. “That’s the thing. I’ve been a part of your life. Your life was everything alike of a dream. You dreamt and it came true. You were always three steps ahead of the game. Well, I think the game’s finally catching up to you. By getting married to someone you know you don’t love, you think you’re ahead but it’s finally taken away. You have the rest of your life to be happy; I don’t think you should waste it on me anymore.”
I finally let go of his hold and walked away slowly. A faint clap was sounded but I didn’t think much of the appraisal. This was it and I knew it well. I didn’t regret what I told him and I had to remind myself of that each second that ticked away between us. I could hear Miley following and stopped beside Nick. She was ready to start again but Nick was sure. The aftermath of my final monologue was a clear shock to him. Shock was really all I could tell.
I walked over to the grand piano awaiting me. Slowly brushing my fingers against the white keys, I sighed slowly only staring at the keys before me and nothing else. For my own sake, I began to count off. “1, 2, 3, and…” I played slowly the leading chords as I clicked the pedal beneath my foot alongside. I stopped thinking about the song and let it flow through me spontaneously. This was how it was meant to be.
There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go
A thirteen year old Nick walked forward towards the casket of his best friend, Maya’s, father. She hadn’t flinched from the spot since the end of funeral. She stood, nearly admiring the body before her. He had to tell her that it was close to the time they had to leave. He wasn’t sure how difficult it would be for her or him. She crossed her arms against her small frame but didn’t move after that. “Maya?” He said softly.
She didn’t speak at first and seemed almost as if she didn’t hear him. He was about to speak again but she side tracked him and spoke, “Death looks so nice and comfortable. Life seems a lot harder than that.” She said slowly. Even as a ten year old, she was more intelligent than death itself.
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
Nick shrugged, not knowing what to say. He wasn’t used to Maya’s sullenness. Then again, he wasn’t used to seeing a dead man in front of the both of them. It was a speechless moment all together for him. He stood closer by Maya, slowly putting his arm around her shoulder securing. “He didn’t deserve to go, you know that.” He seemed to have felt the need to remind her of the truth.
She didn’t think much of it though. Of course her father deserved to see her grow up and become a young lady. Her father deserved to see her in her prom gown, her graduation gown, and certainly her wedding gown. Her father wasn’t going to be there for any of that now. She had to gradually accept that but she didn’t know how long it would take her. “Yeah, I do but it’s weird to see him sleeping and know that he’ll never wake up.”
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay
"Not gonna lie, it’s weird for me too. But we’ll get through this together, I promise.” He reassured her as he squeezed her shoulder motivationally. She wasn’t the type for crying at that certain age. She usually didn’t show much emotion but time called for tears and she had enough to shed. She pulled Nick closer and buried her tear-filled eyes into Nick’s only nice black shirt. He didn’t mind though, he wanted to keep his best friend warm. “He’ll always be with you and you’ll always make him proud.”
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me
“I’m scared,” she muffled into his shirt. “I’m scared that I won’t make him proud anymore. I don’t feel motivated to anything as well as I did when he was here. He would be so ashamed of me right now. I can feel it, Nick.” He shook his head, refusing to let her take that shame. He held her face to see his straight face.
“Don’t ever fall for that. You can’t let anything bring you down. If your dad was still here, he wouldn’t want you to always cry for him. He would want you to cheer up and do the things you love because all he cares about is your happiness and love. That’s what all of us care about, especially me.”
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go
“You really think so?”
Nick nodded, noticing that the crying was coming towards a decent. “I believe so. The world has too many opportunities to cry now. You’ll have another chance to be with him again. He wants you to take this chance now and spend the rest of your life just as he would want it to be. I promised him that I’d be with you through everything. I’d never leave your side and that’s my promise to you. No matter what.”
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay
A small smile grew through Maya’s once fading lips. She nodded and agreed with him. “All right, you better keep it or I’ll beat you up.” She challenged. He rolled his eyes, letting go of his hold of her. “Last one to the car is a loser!” She declared as they both dashed out of the church.
Cause without you I can’t sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see?
You're all I need
Now watching the one she knew she loved holding someone else she knew he didn’t love was something she couldn’t bare anymore. There wasn’t much easiness to fate and destiny. Was I fated to be hurt? Was Nick destined to make the biggest mistake of his life? Why didn’t clear pieces just fit together like they should? Why do we have to fight for what we knew was right all along?
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay.
Then suddenly, those familiar tears began to slowly bridge down once again. They were burning sour in the crest of my eyes. Then they became significantly different than the tears I cried before. I knew they would be the last of the many before. I could no longer take the pain I’d rendered and had to take a higher road than before.
If I learned anything through the entire experience it would certainly be that what you suffer through the most are the experiences that you learn the most from. They never end in happily ever after because in reality, happily ever after could never possible exist. It became a hoax growing up, thinking you could have everything. I thought Nick had something similar but he didn’t. He had a handful of lies and he dared me to be a part of them.
That could no longer happen for there could no longer be a Maya without a Nick.
Rehearsal was over and people started to retreat to the inside the reception hall for dinner. As everyone retreated, Joe had remembered that while Maya was on stage, he was texting Demi at the same time. The wedding had kept them apart and he didn’t appreciate that at all. They missed each other terribly and the separation was killing both of them. When he brought his hands to his side where his cell phone would more likely be, he felt a certain emptiness that took its place instead.
Furrowing his brow, he began to slide his fingers to the front of his pockets then to his back pockets. There was still not trace of the cell phone. “Figures,” he mumbled, “I lost my cell phone once again.” Now he would never know what Demi would be doing after the wedding. He sighed, knowing this would have happened and began to follow behind everyone else.
As everyone else filed in, Mandy stood behind, scrolling through the phone that was formally Joe’s. Most of the inbox was from Demi and it wasn’t keeping Mandy happy. Most of the messages were about how much they missed and loved each other. Fume arose through hour glass shaped body. The one who she loved and technically black mailed had lied to her.
Pursing her lips, her eyes rose upwards to see Maya and Nick, glancing at each other. She knew well of the secret they were keeping. Looking back at the phone in her hand, her empty colorless lips then pursed into a smirk. “Every mistake has a consequence.”