I had called her about twenty-six times and left fifteen messages then unfortunately, my phone became exhausted with me and almost instantaneously shut off by itself. I couldn’t think about a sleep for a solid three hours. It took me long enough to realize that I had completely lost my life when Maya drove away. I could possibly be the biggest dumbass in the entire world and yet it still wouldn’t repay how I truly felt.
I wanted to run after her and wipe off those cascading teardrops. It broke my heart to see her hurt because of a stupid mistake I could have prevented. The worst part was seeing how beautiful she was even when she cried. Her bright eyes had sparkled from the forming tears and her entire body had ached from the pain and emotion. Her blowing black hair had kissed her cheeks as the water drenched it, causing her locks to press against her securely.
Miley pulled me back into reality and made me listen to her entire rant of how I can’t see Maya ever again for as long as we’re married. I couldn’t compare what seemed to be more startling: being separated to my soul mate or Miley still desiring to marry me even though I had slept with my best friend and best girl. I was starting to sense that this whole marriage was even about love and more of personal status.
“Do you even understand how much you’ve embarrassed me, Nick? You embarrassed me in front all of our peers and friends! How could you? How could you do this to me? I’ve only been faithful to you and this is what I get in return?” She had reiterated this enough times for it to be nailed to my brain. I couldn’t respond but to just shove my face into my palms and shook my head into them. I didn’t have to see to just picture her pacing in front of me, nervously nibbling at her thumb nail.
The set of footsteps had descended to a stop. I slowly raised my face out of my hands and gradually locked my eyes with hers. She had clearly lacked the care, beauty, and sincerity that shone brightly in Maya’s eyes. They were dark and reminded me strongly of the deceit and betrayal I had engraved in her heart forever.
I rose to my feet and extended my hand to take her arm into mine. She reacted swiftly by pulling it sharply out of my reach. “Don’t touch me, Nick.” The bitterness in her voice was spat in a snap. It felt like a whip cracked across my face. I stepped away, separating distinctly between us. She folded her arms against her chest, guarding herself away from me. “To be quite honest with you, Nick, I don’t know who the hell is standing in front of me. I plan on marrying the Nicholas Jonas I’ve known since I was fourteen tomorrow afternoon. Whoever this is right here better get a reality check.” She spun on her heel and walked briskly out of the room and to her own hotel room.
I sighed and dropped my head in complete disputer. I dragged my feet across the cold carpeted floors, bringing myself to my own room on the complete opposite side of the hotel. Everything was silent, perfectly set for an evening of deception. The hallway narrowed to grow further and further away from an end. It seemed to all look like that now. There wasn’t an end but yet another bridge.
I stopped at my hotel door and made my way in only to find my family huddled close together in my room. All had distraught and concerned faces. They whipped their heads to see my entrance and almost just as swiftly, they’re faces washed over to contentment. I waved awkwardly to them but they gave no response back. My eyes trailed over to my dad who pointed to the edge of the bed. I nodded and walked over towards them and sat in the middle.
Silence shook us all for a few moments. Slightly, you could hear Joe nervously nibbling off his thumb nail. It was his usual habit for moments such as these were for once in his life, he had nothing to say. Kevin and Frankie stood behind my parents, shoving their hands in their pockets and stayed away from the subject as much as possible. My mom folded her hands before her and as I looked into her deep brown eyes that were so much like mine, you could see she obviously cried before I got there.
My father was the worst of the five of them. He folded his arms against his chest sternly almost as if to intimidate me. Well, if that was what he was aiming for, he certainly hit it well. His lips were pressed roughly against each other, seemingly holding back bad words. He was beyond furious with everything that had happened within the last four hours.
We stood in silence for a few moments before my dad broke the silence.
“What the hell were you thinking, son?”
Everyone’s head shot up to see my dad’s blood shot eyes. It wasn’t as if he was shaking with fury. It was more of the fact that the disappointment heard in his tone had never hurt so much within me. My mom just as surprised as the rest of my father’s sudden outburst, cocked her head. “Paul, please. Take it easy.” She pleaded to keep his tone down and to keep the cursing to a minimum.
My dad had a different perception in his mind and shook his head. “No Denise, I think we’ve had enough ‘taking it easy’ these days. There is enough of ‘taking it easy’ and to be completely honest, I’m completely done with it. The world doesn’t go easy and we can’t keep telling them it is. So Nicholas, tell me right now. Is it true or not?” He raised his thick eye brows into a harsh distinct slant.
I sighed, barely moving as I slowly lifted my head to see my mother’s weeping eyes. The disappointment had hit me hard as if by a harsh punch. The silence that I held was cold and unforgiving. The answer wasn’t coming to me as easily as I had anticipated. It’s not a very effortless ordeal when you tell your parents the truth of your broken promise. Even worse, the aftereffect would storm a thousand seas by the look of it. How would they take it?
My father’s patience was growing thinner and thinner to the point of no distinctness. He would nearly lose control. He tilted her head, raising his brow even higher. “Well?” He gritted through his teeth, unkindly. “Give me an answer today, Nicholas.”
I swallowed my pride and change stature. While slipping my hands deep into my back pockets, I nodded sullenly and mostly guiltily. “Yes, I did break my promise.” I let out in one breath. And in that single moment, I had expelled of every shackle that seemed to hook on me endlessly. It unlocked within a second and vanished in that same atmosphere. It didn’t make me any prouder but at least slightly relieved. “But I don’t regret what I did.” I added quickly.
Dad’s brow had risen once again but in a different tone. His voice softened unexpectedly. “Oh, well isn’t that nice. You don’t regret it. That’s so fantastic because we all know everything will be okay if you’re okay with what you did. Hey, now it’s handy-dandy, isn’t it? I guess it’s the same situation when Adolph Hitler killed millions of Jews but he was okay with it so that means everything else was the same, am I right?” He asked sarcastically in a bitter tone.
I shook my head, hiding my face from my father’s shameful eyes. He continued his heart pounding monologue. “How selfish are you not to think of your fiancé, your family, or what you’re supposed to stand for? You’ve embarrassed all of that. Your fiancé is somewhere around here, probably crying her eyes out because she found out about her cheating to-be husband alongside everyone else attending her wedding from her best friend. Your stupid little stunt reflected our family as complete ignorant mediocrities. Your reputation is basically flushed down the toilet. End of story.”
I didn’t answer or retaliate. It was too early for me to fight back. I didn’t want to hand my care to things that seemed to unimportant now. I just wanted one person and yet she was becoming merely a memory.
“What about Maya?” He muttered. My head shot up like a single firework. His face had softened and his jaw no longer clenched. It had seemed that in only a second, the entire atmosphere of the one cold and heartless big bedroom had turned around. I kept quiet to hear more. “Have you honestly thought about what she could possibly be going through right now? She was taunted in front of all of her friends and family. How could she forgive herself for something like that? We were all she seemed to have and now it’s all gone. I’m not the person to ask but loneliness is not the greatest feeling in the world.” He stopped slowly and sighed gradually. We stood at the halt of slow paced breaths and small movements.
He pursed his lips before resting his hand on my shoulder. “Think about it.” He lifted his palm away and began to walk out the room, the rest of my family proceeding close behind. Soon enough I was in my room by myself. I threw myself at my bed and gazed straight towards my ceiling. I buried my face into my cold palms.
My dad was right.
What the hell was I thinking?