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"But I miss screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you"

-Taylor Swift 

 

Walking through the doors of Pizzeria Mozza, our absolute favorite pizza place in L.A. I spot Nick sitting on the patio, he sees me at the same time and starts waving me over. "I'm so glad you could make it Chels." He gives me a quick side hug and sits back down. "I already ordered our favorite Bacon, Salame, Fennel Sausage, Guanciale, Tomato & Mozzarella pizza. I hope that is fine."  

 

"I'm glad you remembered. Did you get my wine?" As if on cue the waitress brings two glasses of wine and places them in front of us. "How have you been Nick?" 

 

"I've been amazing, I've actually been talking to someone here recently." I arch my eyebrow at his words. "I know, I know. But it's be going decent, it's still new and not really anything just yet. How about you?" 

 

"I'm great, my daughter just started school. Which I still don't understand how I have a six-year old now. Also, may I ask who it is you are talking to?" 

He smirks softly at me "Priyanka Chopra." His face lit up at just saying her name. "And before you say anything, yes I know she is ten years older than me and a different religion than my whole family." 

 

"Actually, Nicholas. I was going to tell that's amazing." I placed my hand over his. "You've always had an older soul, so it makes sense for you to be with an older woman. And I've met Priyanka once before, she is a wonderful person. I'm so happy for you." I smiled as one of his very rare full month smiles came across his face. "You seem very.... not you. You seem actually happy for once." 

 

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I haven't been this just......myself in years." He lets out a sigh of relief. "She just makes me feel like I can just be myself, she doesn't care about Nick Jonas the celebrity, she cares about the Nicholas Jonas from Jersey. The kid that grew up in a small two-bedroom house with three brothers and parents who gave away everything for their three boys who wanted to sing." 

 

"That's the best thing I have heard in a long time. I am so happy that you found what sounds to like is your soul-mate." Nick's face went bright red and he let out a chuckle. "Don't tell me I am getting ahead of myself here, I know these things. I knew the moment I met Jo-" I stop mid-sentence and cleared my throat.  

 

"Chels-" 

 

Shaking my head. "No, don't say anything. It was a slip up. Just talking to you, made it feel like old times, and I just got lost in the moment." I looked away from him and out to the street. I spotted the paparazzi a street over snapping away with pictures left and right. "I got over your brother like years ago. I'm over it all."  

 

"Lair. I know you and I know when you are lying to me. Which you are, right now." He slaps the table a bit to get my attention back to him. "If you love him, tell him. He's changed, he's not that kid who gets drunk all the time. He's grown up and gotten sober, he has been sober for four years now." 

 

"I'm happy for him, that's amazing. I am glad he's sober." I tucked my hair behind my ear. "I want him to be healthy and happy. But I just can't again." 

 

"But-" I put my hand up to stop him but he ignores me. "But I believe he still loves you." At that I roll my eyes. "And he is walking this way." My eyes went wide in shock as I slowly turned my head to look behind me.  

 

There he was. Joe Jonas. I haven't seen him in six years, and my god he has aged like fine god damn wine. He clearly has been working out, with this toned biceps and upper chest. He had a little bit of stubble across his jaw line, his hair was grown out some and styled with the front pushed up a little.  I turn around quickly, hoping he didn't see me and still hoping he doesn't see Nick.  

 

Which would help if Nick didn't put his hand in the air and start yelling at Joe to come over. I kick Nick under the table but he seemed to not feel it as he kept yelling for Joe.  

 

"Hey bro!" Nick stood up and gave Joe a hug and greeted him back. "Who do you have with you here? Is this the new lady I have been hearing so much about but you won't tell me her name?" Joe looks down at me, as I look up at him.  

 

Our eyes locked, my heart skipped a beat. God, I feel like I did when I first met him as a teenager. I've missed looking into his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. I was lost in those eyes, I couldn't think of anything to say, I was mesmerized.  

 

I was legit snapped back to reality with Nick snapping his fingers in my face. "Shit, sorry. Hi Joe." I nod towards him but look away from him.  

 

I sit there awkwardly as they hold a conversation. Thankfully, the pizza comes during their conversation. "Well I will let you guys get to your lunch." Joe starts walking away as Nick looks at me with a smirk. 

 

"Joe, come join us. There is plenty of pizza for the three of us." Joe shoots me a look and I nod my head letting him know it's okay. Next thing I know Joe Jonas is sitting down at the table across from me. We silently eat a couple pieces of pizza as I stare anywhere besides at Joe.  

 

"So Chels, how have you been?" Joe's words make me jump. "Still easily scared once you are in deep thought." He lets out a soft chuckle. 

 

"Yeah. I am." I give a small smile. "But I've been good, been staying busy. What about you?" 

 

"I've been amazing, and busy with DNCE." I nod my head, and told him I've heard some of their songs and how good they are. "When are you coming out with new music?" 

 

"That's actually where we reconnected." Nick interjects. "Mike called about helping on someone's album and I jumped on it not knowing it was Chels until I got there. Her new album is going to be her best yet!" 

 

"Nicholas, stop it. You don't need to talk it up." I wave my hand at him. "Joe knows how badass I am!" 

 

Nick and Joe both let out a huge laugh. "But I really do feel like it's my best album to date. I can't wait for everyone to hear it." 

 

"I'm excited for you C Bear." Joe coughed a bit after the words escaped his lips. He awkwardly gets his wallet out and tosses a ten on the table then puts his wallet back. "I gotta head out. Thanks for lunch." Before Nick or myself could say anything Joe damn near runs out of the restaurant.  

 

"I should be heading out to Nick." As I go to stand up, I get money out and he puts up his hand in protest. "No Nick, I can leave something." I toss a twenty down. "That should cover some of it all." I give Nick a tight hug. "Stay in touch Nicky. My number is still the same. I love you." 

 

"I love you too Chelsea. And I will." He tightens the hug. "See you soon." 

 

Tossing my purse over my shoulder, I start walking out of the restaurant and down the street. I still can't believe I had lunch with Joe. I swore to myself that I would never speak to him. We acted how it used to be, it made me remember all the amazing things about him and well us. But I can't fall back into that whole thing again. 

 

I make a turn down the street as I walk towards the closest store, more of an old habit than anything. Nick and I would always go shopping after eating, it didn't matter where we would go just as long as we went shopping. I couldn't even tell you what store I went into, I just started looking around. After spending maybe twenty minutes inside the store, I exit the store and start walking back towards my house, that is within walking distance from the restaurant.  

 

"Nick, man you just don't understand." I stopped short of rounding the corner, Joe's voice rang through the air. "Yes, I still love her. But that doesn't mean she loves him or would want anything to do with me. I was a terrible boyfriend." He let out a sigh. "I was a terrible fucking person not just boyfriend. I am not going to even try to ask her to get back into my life. I love her too much to try." Nick must have tried to protest Joe's words. "No! Her happiness is more important than mine." Nick kept protesting. "I'm not being a fucking child. I'm being grown up dumb ass. I'm not going to jump in tell her how much I love her and mess up her and her daughter's life." 

 

"I love you too." The words escaped my mouth before I could even stop myself. I slowly stepped around the corner to finally make eye contact with Joe. "I've never stopped." Without saying a word back to Nick, he hangs up the phone, he takes one giant step towards me leaving little room between us. 

 

I lightly lick my lips and start biting my bottom lip as Joe's eyes stare into mine with a fire I haven't seen in years. My breath catches in my throat as Joe lets out a soft sigh.  

"Chelsea, I-" His hand reaches up and he softly lays it on my cheek. He leans his face closer to mine, our lips are inches from each other. I push myself slightly closer to him, our lips graze before he pulls away. "I-I can't." Before I could say another word, Joe turned around and walked away leaving me standing there with my mouth open and completely shocked. 

 

"Joseph! Stop!" I try to chase after him, he starts taking larger and faster steps to get away from me faster. "Do not make me cause a scene out here. You know I will!!" I scream after him, thankfully there isn't anyone around us right now. But I am sure if I keep screaming someone will come. "JOE! GODDAMNIT STOP! LOOK AT ME!" He finally stops and turns to look at me. "Why won't you just talk to me?"  

 

He closes the gap in between us with three large steps. "Chels. I can't talk to you. I just can't. I know I hurt you, I haven't forgiven myself for that and you haven't forgiven me either or you would have talked to me before today." I try to interrupt him but he stops me. "Hearing you say you still love me, even though I was a terrible person." He runs his fingers through his hair. "It makes me feel worse."  

 

I can't hear anymore. I push my lips against his with such force. It takes him a few seconds to react to my lips, but he quickly matches my force. His hands find their way to my sides, he slowly backs us up against the brick building behind us. My hands are tangled in his hair as his tongue dances its way around my mouth. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him pulling him closer. He pulls his mouth off mine and starts sucking on my neck, I let out a small moan as a tug on Joe's hair.  

 

"Joe, I want you." The words escape my lips before I can even process them. His eyes meet mine. "Please." My voice is barely a whisper but I know he hears me because he quickly lets me go.  Joe grips my hand and we rush off down the street. 

 

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He unlocks his front door faster than I have ever seen someone unlock a door. He pulls me through the front door, and slams it behind him. His lips find mine again as he picks me up and makes his way to the couch. He sits me down in the living room, I softly bite my bottom lip as I look him over. I can see the lust in his eyes, I can see he wants me as much as I want him.  

 

I shove him down on the couch, and straddle him. I start biting and sucking on his neck, he lets out a soft moan in my ear. "Fuck me Joe. Right now." I quickly take my own shirt off, not wearing a bra today was a good idea. "I'm yours. Take me" I feel him growing underneath me. I grind against him, pleasuring both of us. "Make me scream. Make me yell your name until I forget everything else." I nibble on his ear, before whispering. "Please."   

 

I did him in with those words. He lets out a growl as he flips me on my back.  He takes my nipple in his mouth twirling his tongue around, I let out a moan. His fingers find their way to my shorts and undo them taking my underwear with them. His fingers find their way inside me before my shorts hit the ground. "Fuck! Joe." I undo his pants and take his member in my hand and slowly start rubbing my hand up and down. He slightly bites my nipple in his own pleasure.   

 

In one swift moment, his mouth is off my nipple, his fingers leave my insides and his shirt is tossed to the side. "Chelsea." He looks over my naked body. "Fuck how do you look even better than you used to?" He runs his hands all over my body, he watches me squirm at his touch. "You like it when I touch you baby." He rubs my breasts, playing with my nipples. I let out a hiss and nod my head. "You got to tell me, what you want." His fingers slide down my body and across my sex. "Exactly what you want." 

 

"I want all of you." His eyebrows raise at my words. "I want you inside of me. I want you to show me, how much you've missed me. I want you to fuck me Joe." 

 

He doesn't waste another second; he spreads my legs as far part as they will go and enters me slowly. I let out a moan as I look into his eyes, my arms snake around his neck and go down his back. He doesn't move for a minute; we just stare at each other with him inside me. Our eyes are look for silent clues, making sure we are both still good with this. Without another word Joe picks up his movement, slamming into me harder and harder with each thrust. Each of his thrusts is combined with my moans and screams of his name.  

 

 

An hour later we are laying on his living room floor, cuddled up with each other with a blanket draped over us. Breathless I look up at him, he is looking at our hands that are intertwined. Before either of us can speak there is a knock at the door and a voice that comes with it. "Joe! You can't just hang up on me then not answer the phone for over an hour!" Nick's voice was loud and clear.  I scramble to get my clothes on. "Joe, I got to hide. Nick cannot find me here." He wordlessly gets dressed and helps me hide in a spare bedroom. 

 

I lock the bedroom door behind me, and try not to make any noise. I can hear Nick's voice fill the house as Joe lets him in. "What the fuck Joe?! How do you just go ghost on me like that? I was having a serious conversation with you and you just hung up on me then didn't answer me back at all." Nick sounded frustrated; I can picture him walking around in a circle tossing his hands up as he yells at Joe. Who I am sure is just standing there waiting for Nick to shut his damn mouth. "I am sorry if you are scared of your feelings for Chelsea! You cannot tell me you don't want to be with her!" I can feel my face getting red, oh Nick if you only knew. "You also, can't stand here and tell me that you haven't thought her over the last six years!"  

 

"You done?" Joe asks after Nick finally shut up for more than five seconds. "We both know I love Chelsea. I'm not scared of my feelings for her and I never will be. Hell, she is the main reason I haven't dated anyone since we split. She's the reason I got sober. She is everything to me, she has been since the day I met her. That will never change." He stops for a minute; I am not sure if he is collecting his thoughts or just remembering that I am here hiding in his spare bedroom. "As for her daughter. Nick you don't think I have thought of her every day for the last six years?" He lets out a small laugh. "Every part of me wants to be with her. I miss her more than you know. But I am not doing that to her or her daughter." Nick must have gone to say something telling him he was so wrong. "No Nick. My mind is set on this. I do not deserve to be loved by anyone, let alone her."  

 

I stay quiet in the spare room; I am blown away. Joe knew, this whole time that we had a daughter together. I'm not sure if I am more pleased that he isn't pissed at me or if I am pissed at him for not getting a hold of me six years ago. I softly lay my head against the door and let out a sigh.  

 

Why does this have to be so confusing? Why didn't I reach out to his family all those years ago? Or anytime since then?  

 

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2011

 I lay down on my couch flipping through channels until I stop on a headline that catches my eye.  

 

"You heard it here first folks, Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers has checked into rehab. Here is a statement from his management team: 

The screen cuts to his statement across the whole TV. 

 

"Joe Jonas has been under a great deal of stress here recently. Joe has taken the responsibility of his actions to check himself into a rehab program. He has been battling an addiction to alcohol for quite a few years but recently it has taken a tool for the worse. He is checking into a six-month rehab as of yesterday." 

It cuts back to the reporter on the TV 

"We did reach out to the Jonas' team to see if this rehab stay is in any way to related to Chelsea Jackson's statement about them no longer being together. They would not confirm or deny this. But from a source close to the family did confirm that due to the statement that was released earlier this week about Joe's personal life did cause him to downward spiral of drinking. The statement was also never approved by the Jonas' team. Which they Jonas' team did confirm that was true."  

My mouth drops open. I sent the Jonas' my statement a full DAY before I released it. Why are they trying to make this seem like it was my doing?! I have been the one for all these years telling the whole family that Joe needed help. What did they do!? They brushed it off! It was no big deal to them that Joe drank! It wasn't anything serious, I was making a big deal out of nothing. I needed to "get the stick out of my ass" as I was told.  

 

Before I could stop myself, I was dialing Paul's number. Before Paul could get a word out; I was fuming and started yelling. "PAUL! What the fucking hell is up with this bullshit I am seeing on TV?! I caused his drinking!? Really?! I didn't give you a heads up on the statement of us splitting up?! I gave you that statement a full day before I released it! I gave you enough time to let Joe know."  

"Chelsea, listen-" 

 

"No Paul, you listen, I have made sure that Joe didn't get exposed as a drunk for the last two and a half years! You did nothing! You told me it was no big deal; it wasn't that bad!" My anger was boiling over at this point. I don't know if it was just built up over the years or more hormones. "You didn't have him screaming at you every night so drunk he couldn't stand but not too drunk that he couldn't flip every couch we owned. He didn't scream at you for being a piece of shit and you were holding back his career. That without me he would be the best damn singer in the world! He could hook up with every woman that toss themselves at him. He would actually have a life." With tears streaming down my face, I finally had my backbone. I was done with the Jonas' family. I place my hand over my stomach, my heart is aching for my unborn child. He/She will never know her full family. "Do not contact me every again. You so much as speak my name I will sue the whole family." I end the call and toss my phone across the room. 

 

2017 

 

I snap out of the memory just has Joe starts knocking on the door. I unlock the door and he walks into the room. I cannot meet his eyes; I feel like I shouldn't have heard anything that him and Nick talked about.  I don't want to say the first word, I don't even know what to say. 

 

A few moments later Joe finally speaks up. "Nick left." I nod my head still not looking at him. "You hear everything we said?" I nod my head again. "Chelsea, please look at me." I still can't look at him. "Fuck. Look at me." My head shoots up at him and I meet his eyes.  

 

They are full of pain and regret. "Everything I said it true. I love you; I always have and always will.  But-" 

 

"No buts Joe. I didn't contact you either. I stayed away just like you did. Every part of me wanted you.  But you couldn't, together we were toxic. I didn't want to cause you to drink again. I couldn't cause you that pain again. I love you too. I always have."  

 

"You really still love me" His eyes fill with joy as I nod my head. 

 

"I never stopped goof." I reach out and touch his arm slightly. "We still need to talk about...well everything. The past to what just happened. I want to make sure we are on the same page here before doing whatever this is." I look at the time on my phone. "But now's not the time. Jaime is getting Addie and Jake from school and well I need to go meet them at my place." I slap myself on the forehead. "Which is twenty minutes away from your place, I'll have to call a cab." 
 
"No, absolutely not. I will take you home, I will drop you off a block away so no one sees us together." 

 

The next day, I scrolling down my twitter feed keeping my mind busy. Trying not to think of Joe Jonas inside me. God the way it felt, his hands all over my body, his mouth on my breast.  

I shake my head pulling myself out of my day dream. I keep scrolling through twitter as I get a notification stating Nick Jonas just followed me on Twitter.  I laugh as I click ‘Follow' on his profile. I can already see the tweets of fan freaking out.   

 

"Update on my new album, I spent the day in the studio a couple days ago with @MikeRob and @NickJonas I can say this will probably be my best album yet." 

 

Without another thought I send the tweet. I close the app, and toss my phone on my bed and get up. I let out a sigh as I go into my closet. The house is silent, Addison is at school, Jamie is at work, and well I'm bored. I really need to hang out with people again. I shut myself in my house and away from most people after Addison was born. I didn't want to be around anyone. Most of my friends wanted to go to the club and get drunk, which I couldn't do being pregnant and then will being a single parent. So, all the good Hollywood friends I made left me. Well, they were all still good on Hollywood terms we just didn't actually speak.  

 

I slide into a pair of black leggings and an old tour shirt of mine, and a pair of high- top black chucks. I pull my hair back into a ponytail, and grab a pair of sunglasses from my closet.  

 

I grab my phone as I walk out of the bedroom, and then head to the front door. I walk out my front door and run into Nick Jonas' chest.  

 

Chapter End Notes:

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